WHEN I’M HAVING A BAD DAY, MY FATHER TELLS ME TO PRAY IT OUT.
HERE’S WHY IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.
1. it isn’t “a” bad day I’m having, I’m on my sixth year in a row and I’m still having the same bad day. okay. maybe yesterday was a little fun, but last night wasn’t.
2. the worst part about when my “depression” happens, is not trying to get out of bed, it’s trying to stay in it.
3. if you look closely into my eyes, you’ll see that I haven’t slept in a week. the naps don’t count.
4. my depression, isn’t as kind on me as you make it seem. See, my depression helps me out of bed, gets me dressed and brushes my teeth, my depression even picks out what color scarf that suits me best and helps me out the door.
5. i never make it to the door.
6. my depression makes sure I carefully untangle my scarf from my neck, and not even bother to cancel all my plans – my friends already know I’ll never make it anyway.
7. the first thing i do when I’m back in my room is pull down the curtains; because they enjoy it when it’s dark. I don’t understand how isn’t my mind dark enough?
8. they are the demons that live in my head. When I was thirteen, they were my only friends. I’ve watched them grow from slitting my wrists, to make up stay up at night and count the sheep. I’ve counted 8 thousand so far. They’re still not gone.
9. They were gone when I was making plans to get out, plans to be happy, plans to kick them out, but they’ll have nowhere to stay, no wonder they’re back.
9. they can sense my fear. They know I don’t want to be lonely. They know, I am afraid of myself.
9. they’ve been here so long; I think they’re a part of me.
9. nobody knows my depression is here
9. that’s why praying it out doesn’t help.
9. how can I pray for something, when I can’t even speak? When I can’t even stand on my own two feet when I want to, not when they make me. I know, you might think I’m weak, it’s probably who I really am. Maybe, I’m only here because they want me to be.
9. waiting it out might.
9. i’m sick of waiting.
10. getting help definitely will. Getting help, will help.
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